Christmas as a Single person

I'm 41 years old.
Never married.
No kids.
It is expected by my family that I come to them for the holidays.

I have never created family traditions for the Christmas Season.  As children we had traditions.  However, as my sisters and I grew up they were given families and created new traditions to share with their children.  I have no specific traditions.

I have no children or husband to spoil. 

I know that the Christmas season is meant to recognize a tiny, baby boy who was born over 2,000 years ago to grow into a man who would die for my sins.  I rejoice that I am loved by God.  That He loves me so much that He would die for my sins.  That He would take my sins one by one as they were nailed into His hands and feet...I am forever grateful.

But Christmas is hard on a personal level.  I'm trying to get out of this rut that every day, every holiday, every situation is lonely...but it's hard. 

Day after day I give it over to God.

Unrealistic Expectations

I understand that life is a fairytale romance.

I understand that life is not a romance novel.

There are no perfect endings.

There are no perfect men or perfect relationships.

Yet....every girl wants that fairytale romance.  They want prince charming to come sweeping in and romancing them. 

Yes, even this girl, at the ripe old age of 41 wants to see my prince.  I want to be swept off of my feet.  I want to feel loved and protected.  I want to cuddle at night.  I want to fight uncontrollably yet make up passionately.  I want a ministry partner. 

However, I pray that God takes the unrealistic expectations away from my heart.  It's too painful to continue thinking I'll ever have the perfect ending.

My Story

My pastor has been preaching a series on My Story.  The four parts of the series are:

Start

Stop

Stay

Go

What disciplines do you need to start today?  What disciplines do you need to stop today?  Where is it better to stay when it would be easier to go.  And where is it better to go when it would be easier to stay? 

The decisions we make today determine the choices we make tomorrow!  Do you have a dream that God has given you?  A decision crossroad that you have come to in your life?  A relationship that needs to be fought for or even left (I know that leaving relationships seems weird to say, but honestly, there are some times in life that they are more toxic than healthy).  What is it that God is asking you to do?

It's hard being just me...

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed making all the decisions for my life.  There is no spouse or boyfriend helping make decisions.  All financial decisions are mine.  All career decisions are mine.  All of life's crossroad decisions are mine.  Emergencies happen, they are mine.  Day to day, small, seemingly unimportant decisions are mine. 

Yet, they are mine with the help of ever present Savior!  All these seemingly overwhelming decisions, crossroads, four-way stops (whatever you want to call them)...aren't so overwhelming when you walk hand in hand with Jesus Christ! 

What is the story that God is calling, giving, declaring, offering YOU?

Transitions

I'm taking the biggest step out of my comfort zone and moving from Puyallup, WA to Canton, TX in just two months!

A few months ago I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me and telling me to go!  Go and support the pastor and community of Canton Foursquare Church.  Not that strange since the pastor in question is one of my best friends.  But to actually say I'm going and to do it?  That's a different story.  Telling my pastor that I was leaving was nerve wracking...I was worried that he and others would think my move was foolish.  That I was moving for the wrong reasons.  That I shouldn't be going.  Ultimately I was fearful that I wasn't hearing the Voice of God on my own. 

Flash forward to now...it's good.  I'm moving.  People are excited for me.  God opened a major door and provided me with a new job months BEFORE I'm moving.  I get to teach high school history...my dream job really.  Confirmation that I'm doing the right thing.

Yesterday, I posted that I am very peaceful (yet a wee bit scared and nervous still) about my upcoming move.  I am.

Yet....

I sit here on my couch crying.  I'm scared.  I'm almost afraid to admit that I'm scared. 

The move is an adventure.

I'm scared that I won't have anyone.  I'll only know three or four people.  I'm used to knowing EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. 

I'm feeling insecure about my role in the new church.  Am I going to be looked at as an outsider coming in?  Am I going to be accepted?

I'm scared that I'll no longer have my support system.

I'm afraid of losing my best girl friends that I can call and talk to and any time of day...I'll still have that, but won't be able to see them.

So, I sit here and cry some more.  I admit it...I'm scared, I'm lonely, and I'm a bit fearful.  God says not to be so I'm trying to bring it all to His throne room and lay it at His feet.  It's hard to let go.