Living alone, one doesn't have another person to rant and rave to; however, there is social media like twitter and Facebook. The problem being is that I hate those that are evasive or vague in their status updates and I'm not one to go off on others via Twitter. Yet, I want to just speak my mind freely and without judgment. How do you survive when you can't just let loose?
The fortunate thing for me, at this point in time, is that I don't think anyone reads this blog anymore so here I go....
1. This is a rant against myself for believing in lies and strongholds of the enemy. As a Christian I know that God has given me dreams, desires and the oomph to go in certain directions. The problem is that I've been praying for a relationship and a full-time job for years...it seems like forever and yet nothing is happening on the home front. I know I am doing all the right things...I pray, I read my Bible and I feel like I am doing exactly what God wants me to do!! However, how do you make yourself not feel like a major failure? How do you stand secure in the promises that God has given you? How do you not let frustrations and insecurities get the better of you. I do so well for months and months then I emotionally, verbally vomit on someone close to me. Such a messy situation...I just gotta figure out how to overcome this! Suggestions? Is there some invisible person out there that can answer my questions? I've seriously been considering seeing a Christian counselor, but would they really do for me?
2. This next rant is against people. I think I've figured out why I'm ok with being by myself! It's so much easier than dealing with the hemming, hawing and misinterpretations of what you say. I try to do nice by people and tend to come out looking awful. They either think I'm off my rocker, a complete bitch or they just completely misconstrue everything I say. I admit, I'm in an awkward spot in my life. I think I can do everything on my own and don't like to share work because I feel like I can just get it done right by myself. Yet, on the other hand, I don't like sharing work because that's how I bury my insecurities....how can I hide if I don't have anything to hide behind? I think I'll stay on my couch with a good book.
3. The next rant is against every stinkin' school district that I've interviewed with over the last five years! What is wrong with me that you won't hire me? Do I stink when I come in and interview? Is my skirt stuck in my pantyhose? Do I have boogers hanging out my nose? Why oh why do you not hire me? It's been five long years since I first received my teaching certification. At this point I should be applying for permanent residency and yet my certificate hasn't even expired yet seeing as how I've never taught somewhere full-time. Do I look somewhere else? Do I go to another state, again as I did a few years ago? Do I start a new career? I've talked with someone about a possible career change; however, is it the right thing to do?
So I wonder if anyone will see this and actually take the time to read it. With my luck people I don't want to read this will somehow find it and I'll have to explain myself; I just need a place to let loose! :)
The real question right now is am I really going to hit "publish"? Do I publish and then just bury my posts with some pictures and such with Seahawks pictures because we are going to the SUPERBOWL!!