As I went about my day today shopping, cheering on one of my youth kids, checking facebook and what not I think I finally realized that the things I want most in life are never going to happen.
There is no perfect man for me.
There are no children in my future.
I look around my empty apartment and think that this is the extent of my life and I don't think anything is going to change.
Yes, my life is filled with friends. Yes, my life is filled with kids.
However, I'm lonely. I want more. I want to experience that once in a lifetime love for another person and be loved in return. I want to experience carrying a child.
On the heels of this realization my words go up to God..."Why?"
and then I think, "why do I always ask why?"
Am I ever going to have an answer? Or do I simply need to be ok with the lot in life that I have? What have I done wrong?
I have no answers. Hell, I don't even have anyone who truly understands what I'm going through except for God and He is sharing His ideas with me.
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