Saturday, December 13, 2014


As I went about my day today shopping, cheering on one of my youth kids, checking facebook and what not I think I finally realized that the things I want most in life are never going to happen.

There is no perfect man for me.

There are no children in my future.

I look around my empty apartment and think that this is the extent of my life and I don't think anything is going to change.

Yes, my life is filled with friends.  Yes, my life is filled with kids. 

However, I'm lonely.  I want more.  I want to experience that once in a lifetime love for another person and be loved in return.  I want to experience carrying a child.

On the heels of this realization my words go up to God..."Why?"

and then I think, "why do I always ask why?"

Am I ever going to have an answer?  Or do I simply need to be ok with the lot in life that I have?  What have I done wrong? 

I have no answers.  Hell, I don't even have anyone who truly understands what I'm going through except for God and He is sharing His ideas with me.

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