Monday, June 29, 2009

Water Park Etiquette

To My Fellow Water Park Goers,

Good Afternoon! Those of you who live in Moses Lake and visit the water park in town please do not take offense at what I am about to tell you. However, if any of these "observations" hit close to home, please take the time to deal with your personal situation!

First of all, if you are not specifically between the size of 0 and 6, please, please do not wear a bikini. Bikinis should also not be worn by women who have hairy bellies and those who have had children and have the flabby belly and stretch marks to show. If you think you are skinny enough to wear a bikini, please step in front of a mirror...if any of the above show or you have what is called a "muffin top" you are not eligible this season to be showing off your body.

To be more specific about the size of a woman in a bikini...if you are FAT you should not be in a bikini! Women who are my size (and I am a large woman) should not...let me repeat SHOULD NOT be prancing around in a bikini.

Secondly, if you do wear a bikini please keep in mind that this is a family water park. Consequently, if you do wear a bikini and the top barely covers your nipples? Please don't wear it! I personally don't like to see your over large (and probably fake) boobs flopping around in the water. I really don't want my five year-old nephew to watch you walk around the park either!

Also, if you suffer from nipplitis, that is the disease where your pebbly nipples show through your suit, you might want to consider buying a suit with a built in bra. I know they sell as I own one!

I also need to point out to some of you the life-long rule about white t-shirts. This really should be a no brainer! If you, for some reason, choose not to wear a swimsuit to the water park and instead choose to wear a t-shirt and shorts...please, please wear a colored t-shirt that does not show your Victoria Secret bra underneath. Really! I don't prance in my bra while out in public.

On a side note...if you are the lady who chose to wear her bra as a bikini top today while at the park (yes you, the one who was wearing some stupid yellow bandana on your hair today!) it is NOT a good look. Thank you for later choosing to put a shirt or swimsuit over it later in the day!

I don't mean to make you not enjoy your day at the water park, but I think you might have a bit more fun if everyone in the park isn't staring at you and making fun of you (and really when it comes down to it...blogging about you to the world).

If I was a bit more sneaky, I would have taken pictures of some of you today and shown the world that I am not making this up!

Thank you,
A Concerned Water Park Citizen



OMG! That is the funniest thing that I have ever heard! Rachel, you truly are a GREAT people watcher.Thank you for sharing about your day. See, THIS is why we have to GET YOU OUT of Moses Lake!!!!

Jill said...

I was cracking up reading this. Being in Florida I am always surrounded by water in the summer. the sights I have seen have scarred me for life. I am a BIG woman too and wouldn't dare wear the things I see people wearing.
I need to start snapping pics at the water parks and beaches... I'll expose them all! ROFLMAO!

Karen said...

Just a question - quite relevant in light of the topic at hand:

What is the difference between going outside in a bikini and going outside in a bra and undies(regardless of body type/size)?

Rachel Ann said... are quite right...probably not much difference other than one is decorated to look like a swim suit and one definitely looks like a bra!

Karen said...

Interesting. I think that that is probably what most bikini-wearers would say: that it's the difference in decoration. But if we're honest with ourselves, our culture has accepted nakedness as the norm, and that should really give us pause.

The number of fathers that allow their daughters to head off to the lake or river or pool dressed in their undies (aka swim suits) is shocking and should sadden us to their utter indifference to their daughters' virtue or purity. In fact, as you said in your post, there are some bikinis that actually show MORE flesh than the average undergarments do! Mercy!

Anonymous said...

I just went to wild rivers in irvine california and coundn't believe how many people are dressed with tiny bikinis . Young and old alike .I never saw so many nipples exposed. It' a no brainer if you're coming down fast your top is coming off.