MIA

***After writing this post, I realized that I might ramble here and there, but I am simply trying to get thoughts out of my convulted mind so that they become clearer to me.***

Yes, I've been MIA for almost two weeks. I'm sorry friends and family. I've been working, I've been sleeping (and I can't claim jet lag anymore!), and I've been catching up since being back from Asia.

And honestly, I've been working through some things....things that are personal between me and God. Things that affect the way I'm doing my church activities right now. Nothing terrible. But I haven't been the happiest camper or the most receptive person to the external things going on right now. I'm sorry for being so general, but when the timing is right, I will let you know!

In all of what is going on in my life I am still having conversations with God about moving....how, when, why, where, how (that question comes up quite often!), with what money, what am I going to do once in Cali? So many questions, and not a lot of answers. Maybe I need to shut up and actually listen to the voice of God answering me. I'm probably so busy jabbering away that I don't hear God trying to get a word in edgewise. I'm sorry Lord! Give me ears to hear and a heart to comprehend.

I don't want to become that person that doesn't move forward because I don't have all the information (at least what I feel is all the info). But I truly believe God called me, and I want to be faithful to His calling. I have so many people telling me that they don't think I should move, that I want to scream and tear my hair out. I have a few faithful friends that tell me to ignore them and pay attention to only ONE! Good advice, hard, but good.

I guess I've never felt more uncertain about a period in my life such as now. Is it ok to feel uncertain when God calls you? I mean, I am going...but I'm uncertain as to what it looks like and how it is going to work. The last few days I've even been feeling sick...but that could just be the flu going 'round! I'm not looking for confirmation from friends and family. I'm not even looking for your yea or nay...I'm simply trying to be a woman of God....

...who goes when she is called....
....who answers when she is called.....
....who doesn't hesitate....
....who doesn't shrug off her calling....
....who feels as if she is finally seeing her life purpose coming into play.....

questions, questions, questions.....

God doesn't say you can't ask! In fact, He says, "Ask and you shall receive!" Lord, I'm asking for clarity in my life. I'm asking that You be the leader in this journey. I'm asking that this is of You and not of me. I'm asking that You create in me the true woman of God that You have created. I'm asking that You use me to do Your will!